Exhaustion beyond recognition. I mean there's recognition... I sure as hell recognize this exhaustion. By "beyond recognition" I mean I am so tired I am having trouble recognizing things. Like recognizing I am headed towards the wrong car until I get right up to the door handle. Then recognizing I had not even parked in that area of the parking lot. Not even close. ....That happened today at the gym after my first day of school of my second year teaching high school.
Feelings the same. eyes crossing feeling.. like they are headed to the area between my eyebrows. Like they are moving their to create a uni or something. Anger at having to do extra things that boys don't (drying hair, shaving legs and armpits)... really I get frustrated at the time these actions require of me... and they only take minutes.. that's how precious my minutes become.
small feelings of "i'm not ready" not to the point of terror and insecurity. and I Have no idea what to do. this year i have an idea.. jsut have to organize them. so that is better.
know more faces. good and bad about that. The ones I know are more comfortable with me and therefore talk more or feel more confidence in being laid back and arrogant. It's good though cause we already have a relationship. I love being able to joke around (be sarcastic) with the kids and know that they get me already.
Mrs. West... this time last year . remembering her and how much more time i wish i'd had with her.
More on that. Mrs. West was the teacher across the hall from me. She was very experienced. Older. Much older. larger (taller and bigger). She had short peppered hair and glasses. I just want to paint the picture of her so a I remember her. She mostly wore cotton dresses. During class transitions she stood in the hall (like we're supposed to do but I can never make it there... always doing some last minute work or something frantic like that). But the few times i'd make it into the hall, she was there... telling kids (just passersby, not her own students) to put their ID's on. I'd think "I can't do that.... tell kids I don't even know to put their id's on in the hall??" ... As a second year i can see more now how that is not a big deal. They are all kids. I thought to myself "maybe one day i'll be in a place where my concern can be students' id's who aren't even my students" For the record, i'm not there yet.
Mainly, I remember Mrs. West b/c one day, across the hall, she was looking at me and she asked, "I'm gonna be a mother right now and ask a question. Are you taking a multi vitamin?"
I said no . . . . why? do I look like i need to be?
She said, "yes"
Well that summed up my first year. Looking like I needed a multi-vitamin. Mrs. West retired in Februrary or March of that year. She had some illness that made her dizzy and she carried a cane so she left school early. I hated for her to leave. She had so many years of experience that could field the inundation of questions I had for her... and would still have for her. This year I finally have A LITTLE more time to ask the questions. I wonder if I'll ever be in that spot... if I'll ever make it to that time where I'm sniffin on retirement and staring across the hall at some malnourished newbie... doling out advise and vitamins. Who knows. To be determined. The things is, Mrs West didn't want to quit. She loved teaching. That is an even harder spot to imagine myself in. It's an extremely admirable spot.
Here's to Mrs. West.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
How is my hand like a piece of pie
Cause it's got meRINGue on it!
So it's only been a little over a week since he popped the question but it feels like forever. The 2 days after, I was able to relive the engagement in my head and still feel the adrenaline rush from the surprise I felt when I turned around and saw Joe down on his knee. But after about the 30th time of retelling the story, it just becomes a story you're telling... not feeling.
So I should've written this in those days immediately after... but of course I can still remember everything. Friday night we drove down to camp for P-Staff reunion. Good times with friends that night and then Saturday morning we got up and left the Big House on foot headed towards camp. Joe had slipped the ring in his pocket as I brushed my teeth. I had no idea. I was exhausted and had only been thinking about school (we had just finished 2 days with students). And on that morning I was just thinking about breakfast. It was a little warm but as we got closer to camp Joe said "Let's walk behind the chapel and around back a little bit"
This was not weird to me. We like to try and be healthy and walk some. (on friday afternoon he said "bring something to walk in" .. i said "ummm i'm not gonna do a lot of walking" because I just planned on drinking and sleeping and relaxing. "but I can walk a little in what i'm bringing")
We walked around cabins A B and C. At that point we were talking about a ball box that camp could bring back to the basketball court (cause we were walking by the bball court)... Nothing exciting. Then he said "let's walk over to the bench"--- this bench is where we used to make out in high school (and a bench several other couples claim to be THEIR bench). It's in a great spot by the lake. Far enough away from people. ... So we walked over there. Sure, i thought, why not.
Then I proceeded to tell some idiotic story from the night before. I stopped my story, not sure if joe wanted to sit on the bench or something or just walk by. I was standing behind it when I said "ok can we get outta here" --again, breakfast was the main thing on my mind. I turned towards the dining hall.
He said "hold on you wanna hear something crazy first"
"Sure" i said as I turned and expected to hear some crazy piece of gossip he obtained the night before.
And there he was. Knee down. Ring out. It's amazing how many things your brain can register at once. Here are the thoughts that ran through my mind all at once
oh my gosh. this is happening. when did he plan this. he's been planning this! where'd this ring come from. Look at that ring. This is the story we'll tell. oh my gosh what am I wearing. (neon yellow shirt, neon pink shorts and a lavender hat with Dylan's name airbrushed on it)
Screaming commenced and then hugging. Joe cried first. Then me. THen we sat on bench and talked about: what just happened, how he came about this ring (thanks to Amie and Jason on that one), how he told our parents. More screaming and hugging and smiling.
Amie and Jason (the only people outside of family that knew) drove their mini-van down by the lake after joe text them (amie had been texting all morning wandering if it'd happened). They got out as I was on the phone with mom and more hugs and tears. Amie had a fun happy for us full of t-shirts, drinking glasses with an S, boa, veil, and wedding mags.
Grae walked down to see what was going on. Not sure if he suspected something or just wanted to see what was going on. Then we drove up in the mini with our new outfits on and showed them off to the crowd of girls in the pool.
It was fun to see people's reactions all morning as they stumbled in to the dining hall. They'd look at us weird (pink shirts and a veil) and we all stared at them waiting for the reaction, it usually took me throwing up my hand for it to completely register in their fuzzy morning heads what was happening. Then followed by "oh S&$* or F#$%" more hugs.
So like i said... i relived this in my head several times and could still relive the emotions. That was fun. But teaching has a way of quickly snapping you back down from the mountain. It tends to push all other thoughts and emotions out of the way as it requires 102 percent of my attention. So teach teach teach then I'd remember. Of course monday was fun.... some kids knew already some didn't. some didn't find out til days later. As a teacher you learn that you can't stop teaching for every special occasion. Kids are just waiting for those days. 5th period's idea "we should throw you an engagement party" Maybe this sounds sweet to you... but don't be fooled. That's what they want you to think.. They really just will do anything to not have regular class. And they have no shame.
So fun. Getting engaged is SO FUN!
So it's only been a little over a week since he popped the question but it feels like forever. The 2 days after, I was able to relive the engagement in my head and still feel the adrenaline rush from the surprise I felt when I turned around and saw Joe down on his knee. But after about the 30th time of retelling the story, it just becomes a story you're telling... not feeling.
So I should've written this in those days immediately after... but of course I can still remember everything. Friday night we drove down to camp for P-Staff reunion. Good times with friends that night and then Saturday morning we got up and left the Big House on foot headed towards camp. Joe had slipped the ring in his pocket as I brushed my teeth. I had no idea. I was exhausted and had only been thinking about school (we had just finished 2 days with students). And on that morning I was just thinking about breakfast. It was a little warm but as we got closer to camp Joe said "Let's walk behind the chapel and around back a little bit"
This was not weird to me. We like to try and be healthy and walk some. (on friday afternoon he said "bring something to walk in" .. i said "ummm i'm not gonna do a lot of walking" because I just planned on drinking and sleeping and relaxing. "but I can walk a little in what i'm bringing")
We walked around cabins A B and C. At that point we were talking about a ball box that camp could bring back to the basketball court (cause we were walking by the bball court)... Nothing exciting. Then he said "let's walk over to the bench"--- this bench is where we used to make out in high school (and a bench several other couples claim to be THEIR bench). It's in a great spot by the lake. Far enough away from people. ... So we walked over there. Sure, i thought, why not.
Then I proceeded to tell some idiotic story from the night before. I stopped my story, not sure if joe wanted to sit on the bench or something or just walk by. I was standing behind it when I said "ok can we get outta here" --again, breakfast was the main thing on my mind. I turned towards the dining hall.
He said "hold on you wanna hear something crazy first"
"Sure" i said as I turned and expected to hear some crazy piece of gossip he obtained the night before.
And there he was. Knee down. Ring out. It's amazing how many things your brain can register at once. Here are the thoughts that ran through my mind all at once
oh my gosh. this is happening. when did he plan this. he's been planning this! where'd this ring come from. Look at that ring. This is the story we'll tell. oh my gosh what am I wearing. (neon yellow shirt, neon pink shorts and a lavender hat with Dylan's name airbrushed on it)
Screaming commenced and then hugging. Joe cried first. Then me. THen we sat on bench and talked about: what just happened, how he came about this ring (thanks to Amie and Jason on that one), how he told our parents. More screaming and hugging and smiling.
Amie and Jason (the only people outside of family that knew) drove their mini-van down by the lake after joe text them (amie had been texting all morning wandering if it'd happened). They got out as I was on the phone with mom and more hugs and tears. Amie had a fun happy for us full of t-shirts, drinking glasses with an S, boa, veil, and wedding mags.
Grae walked down to see what was going on. Not sure if he suspected something or just wanted to see what was going on. Then we drove up in the mini with our new outfits on and showed them off to the crowd of girls in the pool.
It was fun to see people's reactions all morning as they stumbled in to the dining hall. They'd look at us weird (pink shirts and a veil) and we all stared at them waiting for the reaction, it usually took me throwing up my hand for it to completely register in their fuzzy morning heads what was happening. Then followed by "oh S&$* or F#$%" more hugs.
So like i said... i relived this in my head several times and could still relive the emotions. That was fun. But teaching has a way of quickly snapping you back down from the mountain. It tends to push all other thoughts and emotions out of the way as it requires 102 percent of my attention. So teach teach teach then I'd remember. Of course monday was fun.... some kids knew already some didn't. some didn't find out til days later. As a teacher you learn that you can't stop teaching for every special occasion. Kids are just waiting for those days. 5th period's idea "we should throw you an engagement party" Maybe this sounds sweet to you... but don't be fooled. That's what they want you to think.. They really just will do anything to not have regular class. And they have no shame.
So fun. Getting engaged is SO FUN!
Monday, July 16, 2012
Road Trip
Already a month into summer. It is flying by. After 2 weeks at camp we got ready for a great American road trip.... to Canada.
Tues. Day 1 - Mom met us in Oxford. Drove to Nashville and enjoyed an evening with Beth and Hunter.
Day 2- Drive all day (about 12 hours) to Niagara Falls, NY. We ate at Hard Rock Cafe because Joe had never eaten at one. It was not terrible but it was not delicious. We walked down by the falls and got to see them from the U.S. side at night. Everyone told us that the Canada side is the side to see. But the U.S. side was still beautiful and made me excited to see what the more awesome Canadian view would offer. We stayed at the Comfort Inn which we exclusively referred to as the Comfort Dump after a night with a dodgy air conditioner. The room stunk from the large amount of perfume they had sprayed to cover up the cig smoke. But the continental breakfast the next morning was more than decent.
Dumb tourist moment. We had NO idea that Nik Wallenda was planning on doing this big tight rope walk. Beth and Hunter are the ones who informed us. I blame this on Mom. Joe and I had been at camp and Mom watches 3.3 hours of morning television every day. Sooooo, she should've heard about this I think. Either way, we lucked out. We JUST missed the over-hyped "historic" event by one day, so we successfully avoided the crowds but still get to claim we were there.
Day 3 - Niagara Falls day. A friend of mom's (Mike--she knows from horse stuff) drove up from Rochester, NY to show us around the falls. We drove across the boarder-- a process which took no time at all. Joe accidentally and unknowingly lied about us having alcohol in the car. Oops. We parked and walked along the falls.
The mist began to pick up. This makes pictures pretty difficult. We went a tourist stop to buy some ponchos. We walked along the side walk enjoying the view.
Then it was time for the Maid of the Mist-- the boat that you stand on and drive straight into the falls, sit there and get wet for a few minutes, then turn around. Before you get on the boat, you take a picture in front of a green screen so you can buy a pic of you on the boat after. Forget the fact that you're about to actually be on the boat with your own camera. And even though the Niagara falls' rain and windstorm you drive into headfirst makes it impossible to take pictures, there are still plenty of opportunities to snap a picture before and after the down pour.
Even though we had our own, we couldn't resist purchasing this one...so silly
The best part of the boat (besides watching Joe Sabatier giggle and jump around) was this group of black ladies who were just laughing and screaming their heads off. At one point (while we were in the very midst of the mist) one yelled-laughed "You can't take no pictures!" True. You couldn't.
After the Maid we now had 2 ponchos to walk back through the misty side walk. We had lunch, said goodbye to Mike then drove to our next tourist attraction....
The Butterfly Conservatory. Joe's comment gives the best summary/reaction to this place-- "Well, if you weren't sleepy before... there's nothin like a good butterfly conservatory to get you ready for a nap." Yeah, after a warm room of flittering butterflies and then a walk through the rose garden we were done. Especially Joe.
Next we drove to Niagara on the Lake, a cute nearby town that sits on Lake Ontario. My godmother told us to go here and it is hands down our 2nd favorite part of the trip (after Niagara). It's a small town with a historic district of cute houses and carriage tours... much like Charleston, SC. We found a hotel completely OPPOSITE from the Comfort Dump, The Prince of Wales hotel! Super fancy and nice. Had a towel warmer in the bathroom. We walked around, ate at a pub, then took a carriage tour and learned how much we didn't know (or remember) about the War of 1812.
Day 4 - I treated myself to a massage the next morning.... or rather, Joe went down and signed me up for one while he and mom ate breakfast. We hit the road for Honey Harbor, where we were to meet my godmother Lou. She met us with a small boat (to which we all hung our head in embarrassment at the amount of luggage we'd brought.) Joe's bag got splashed the most... not really splashed...more like flooded. After about a 10-15 minute boat ride we got to Lou's house.
I am not sure what I expected. I'd been planning to take this trip for almost a year. And when I started the stressful school year I REALLY wanted this trip to happen so I could just sit on an island in Canada and do NOTHING.
Boat ride
Lou's House
View from the house
You had to climb up a hill of big rocks to the cabin. After struggling my way to the top (due to all the unnecessary luggage) Joe and I started laying our wet clothes out. The cabin was perfect. A porch on overlooking the lake being the best part of the whole thing. The inside Lou has turned into a charming and rustic little get away.
Day 5, 6, 7 -- The next three days can be summed up with few words: coffee, reading, napping, cocktail hour, dinner. The first day was so warm Joe and I jumped in the water after a hike. The water was still shockingly cold but refreshing. Day 6 was drizzly and was when we started to get a little cabin fever. But Day 7 we were able to sit out in the sun and enjoy the last full day of island life. Day 7 was also a little traumatizing for me. We were sitting around having drinks when Lou discovered a baby mouse in a side table drawer. We proceeded to find 4 more baby mice in the drawer. One at a time I poked them out of their fluffy nest (which apparently momma mouse built from Lou's couch cushion stuffing), they fell to the floor and scurried around until one of us trapped them in a cup. Mom, Joe and I released them into the wild a.k.a. sent them to their death not too far from the cabin. That night thunder woke me up and if the mice had even made it til then, they were definitely goners after the storm.
inside the cabin
Rewind a little to another related traumatizing moment...One the very first night we were there we think momma mouse was the one we saw scurry into the wall. Later that night a heard a WHACK sound. When John (Lou's hubby) held up a full mouse trap the next morning I realized the sound had been the trap snapping the momma mouse's neck. Transitioning into the country life takes more than 3 days I think.
Day 8 - Time to go. We had stayed the perfect amount-- enough to enjoy and relax but not too much as to ware out our welcome or get too restless. Lou boated us to our car then we drove to Toronto. We checked into our hotel and grabbed lunch at a pub-ish restaurant near the hotel. I wasn't even warm. It was HOT. We couldn't believe how warm it had been this entire time. After a hefty meal we walked to the CN tower... or the needle. It was neat but not amazing. Unfortunately it was hazy and we couldn't see that far.
At one point we had considered staying in Toronto 2 nights but the more we asked people about what we should do the more we began to wonder if there was that much to do. People said the CN tower, the science center, and the Royal Museum. The CN tower was really the only one that interested Joe and me. One waitress mentioned going to baseball games and other sports things first on her things to do in Toronto. It seems like a city as big as Toronto would have more MUST-DO tourist attractions than that, but we just weren't gathering that there was enough for us to stay long. So we cut it short.
CN tower in back. (Where they also had a green screen photo opp... I guess it's a Canada thing.. We didn't buy that one)
CN Tower views from the glass floor
Kids on the glass
walkin on the glass
You could also pay 170 dollars to get in a harness and just hang off (only about 2 feet out) the side of the tower backwards. We just watched the people from above who had paid that much money. We stayed one night and then got up and drove forever on Day 9.
We (and by we I mainly mean Joe) drove from Toronto to Bowling Green, KY on Day 9. We had planned on stopping in Louisville but were finding a lot of the hotels were booked, so we kept going a little longer to Bowling Green. We had a reservation at La Quinta. We pulled into the parking lot at 10:30 ish and literally, right as Joe turned the car off, the lights at La Quinta went out. All the lights. Confused we got out of the car and realized that the lights of the entire town had gone out. Seriously? We were NOT about to stay in a air-condion-less room. We waited around a little to see if they'd come on but decided no. Mom got out of the reservation and we were on our way to the interstate to travel another 45 minutes to Nashville when we saw a Quality Inn sign on. Hey how do they have power? They were on the county system so they were spared and we were in luck.
Lights out at La Quinta... people slowly started coming out of their rooms. Women with their hair in rollers and their little dogs in tow.
(on the way home we saw a Jellystone Park sign... had to stop)
It's funny. We went to another country but it didn't really feel like we were abroad. First, we drove there. 2nd, we didn't have to exchange money. Everywhere we went pretty much took American dollars or our credit cards. There's no foreign language. A lot of stuff is in French and English but no one is speaking French. Around Toronto and Niagara there were lots of people from different countries speaking different languages, but that's it. (I did get super excited when I heard people speaking Spanish-- uh my Spanish heart)
Bye bye Canada... fun trip. Next time we'll fly though.
Special Session
Tues. Day 1 - Mom met us in Oxford. Drove to Nashville and enjoyed an evening with Beth and Hunter.
Day 2- Drive all day (about 12 hours) to Niagara Falls, NY. We ate at Hard Rock Cafe because Joe had never eaten at one. It was not terrible but it was not delicious. We walked down by the falls and got to see them from the U.S. side at night. Everyone told us that the Canada side is the side to see. But the U.S. side was still beautiful and made me excited to see what the more awesome Canadian view would offer. We stayed at the Comfort Inn which we exclusively referred to as the Comfort Dump after a night with a dodgy air conditioner. The room stunk from the large amount of perfume they had sprayed to cover up the cig smoke. But the continental breakfast the next morning was more than decent.
Dumb tourist moment. We had NO idea that Nik Wallenda was planning on doing this big tight rope walk. Beth and Hunter are the ones who informed us. I blame this on Mom. Joe and I had been at camp and Mom watches 3.3 hours of morning television every day. Sooooo, she should've heard about this I think. Either way, we lucked out. We JUST missed the over-hyped "historic" event by one day, so we successfully avoided the crowds but still get to claim we were there.
Day 3 - Niagara Falls day. A friend of mom's (Mike--she knows from horse stuff) drove up from Rochester, NY to show us around the falls. We drove across the boarder-- a process which took no time at all. Joe accidentally and unknowingly lied about us having alcohol in the car. Oops. We parked and walked along the falls.
The mist began to pick up. This makes pictures pretty difficult. We went a tourist stop to buy some ponchos. We walked along the side walk enjoying the view.
Then it was time for the Maid of the Mist-- the boat that you stand on and drive straight into the falls, sit there and get wet for a few minutes, then turn around. Before you get on the boat, you take a picture in front of a green screen so you can buy a pic of you on the boat after. Forget the fact that you're about to actually be on the boat with your own camera. And even though the Niagara falls' rain and windstorm you drive into headfirst makes it impossible to take pictures, there are still plenty of opportunities to snap a picture before and after the down pour.
Even though we had our own, we couldn't resist purchasing this one...so silly
The best part of the boat (besides watching Joe Sabatier giggle and jump around) was this group of black ladies who were just laughing and screaming their heads off. At one point (while we were in the very midst of the mist) one yelled-laughed "You can't take no pictures!" True. You couldn't.
After the Maid we now had 2 ponchos to walk back through the misty side walk. We had lunch, said goodbye to Mike then drove to our next tourist attraction....
The Butterfly Conservatory. Joe's comment gives the best summary/reaction to this place-- "Well, if you weren't sleepy before... there's nothin like a good butterfly conservatory to get you ready for a nap." Yeah, after a warm room of flittering butterflies and then a walk through the rose garden we were done. Especially Joe.
Next we drove to Niagara on the Lake, a cute nearby town that sits on Lake Ontario. My godmother told us to go here and it is hands down our 2nd favorite part of the trip (after Niagara). It's a small town with a historic district of cute houses and carriage tours... much like Charleston, SC. We found a hotel completely OPPOSITE from the Comfort Dump, The Prince of Wales hotel! Super fancy and nice. Had a towel warmer in the bathroom. We walked around, ate at a pub, then took a carriage tour and learned how much we didn't know (or remember) about the War of 1812.
Day 4 - I treated myself to a massage the next morning.... or rather, Joe went down and signed me up for one while he and mom ate breakfast. We hit the road for Honey Harbor, where we were to meet my godmother Lou. She met us with a small boat (to which we all hung our head in embarrassment at the amount of luggage we'd brought.) Joe's bag got splashed the most... not really splashed...more like flooded. After about a 10-15 minute boat ride we got to Lou's house.
I am not sure what I expected. I'd been planning to take this trip for almost a year. And when I started the stressful school year I REALLY wanted this trip to happen so I could just sit on an island in Canada and do NOTHING.
Boat ride
Lou's House
View from the house
You had to climb up a hill of big rocks to the cabin. After struggling my way to the top (due to all the unnecessary luggage) Joe and I started laying our wet clothes out. The cabin was perfect. A porch on overlooking the lake being the best part of the whole thing. The inside Lou has turned into a charming and rustic little get away.
Day 5, 6, 7 -- The next three days can be summed up with few words: coffee, reading, napping, cocktail hour, dinner. The first day was so warm Joe and I jumped in the water after a hike. The water was still shockingly cold but refreshing. Day 6 was drizzly and was when we started to get a little cabin fever. But Day 7 we were able to sit out in the sun and enjoy the last full day of island life. Day 7 was also a little traumatizing for me. We were sitting around having drinks when Lou discovered a baby mouse in a side table drawer. We proceeded to find 4 more baby mice in the drawer. One at a time I poked them out of their fluffy nest (which apparently momma mouse built from Lou's couch cushion stuffing), they fell to the floor and scurried around until one of us trapped them in a cup. Mom, Joe and I released them into the wild a.k.a. sent them to their death not too far from the cabin. That night thunder woke me up and if the mice had even made it til then, they were definitely goners after the storm.
inside the cabin
Rewind a little to another related traumatizing moment...One the very first night we were there we think momma mouse was the one we saw scurry into the wall. Later that night a heard a WHACK sound. When John (Lou's hubby) held up a full mouse trap the next morning I realized the sound had been the trap snapping the momma mouse's neck. Transitioning into the country life takes more than 3 days I think.
Day 8 - Time to go. We had stayed the perfect amount-- enough to enjoy and relax but not too much as to ware out our welcome or get too restless. Lou boated us to our car then we drove to Toronto. We checked into our hotel and grabbed lunch at a pub-ish restaurant near the hotel. I wasn't even warm. It was HOT. We couldn't believe how warm it had been this entire time. After a hefty meal we walked to the CN tower... or the needle. It was neat but not amazing. Unfortunately it was hazy and we couldn't see that far.
At one point we had considered staying in Toronto 2 nights but the more we asked people about what we should do the more we began to wonder if there was that much to do. People said the CN tower, the science center, and the Royal Museum. The CN tower was really the only one that interested Joe and me. One waitress mentioned going to baseball games and other sports things first on her things to do in Toronto. It seems like a city as big as Toronto would have more MUST-DO tourist attractions than that, but we just weren't gathering that there was enough for us to stay long. So we cut it short.
CN tower in back. (Where they also had a green screen photo opp... I guess it's a Canada thing.. We didn't buy that one)
CN Tower views from the glass floor
Kids on the glass
walkin on the glass
You could also pay 170 dollars to get in a harness and just hang off (only about 2 feet out) the side of the tower backwards. We just watched the people from above who had paid that much money. We stayed one night and then got up and drove forever on Day 9.
We (and by we I mainly mean Joe) drove from Toronto to Bowling Green, KY on Day 9. We had planned on stopping in Louisville but were finding a lot of the hotels were booked, so we kept going a little longer to Bowling Green. We had a reservation at La Quinta. We pulled into the parking lot at 10:30 ish and literally, right as Joe turned the car off, the lights at La Quinta went out. All the lights. Confused we got out of the car and realized that the lights of the entire town had gone out. Seriously? We were NOT about to stay in a air-condion-less room. We waited around a little to see if they'd come on but decided no. Mom got out of the reservation and we were on our way to the interstate to travel another 45 minutes to Nashville when we saw a Quality Inn sign on. Hey how do they have power? They were on the county system so they were spared and we were in luck.
Lights out at La Quinta... people slowly started coming out of their rooms. Women with their hair in rollers and their little dogs in tow.
(on the way home we saw a Jellystone Park sign... had to stop)
It's funny. We went to another country but it didn't really feel like we were abroad. First, we drove there. 2nd, we didn't have to exchange money. Everywhere we went pretty much took American dollars or our credit cards. There's no foreign language. A lot of stuff is in French and English but no one is speaking French. Around Toronto and Niagara there were lots of people from different countries speaking different languages, but that's it. (I did get super excited when I heard people speaking Spanish-- uh my Spanish heart)
Bye bye Canada... fun trip. Next time we'll fly though.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
My Relationship with Summer
For a while, summers were bittersweet to me. Summer after 3rd grade my friend Beth Surles died in a car accident with an 18-wheeler. I can remember it like yesterday. I was sitting in the front room where the tv currently is playing cards with Dylan and Carly. Mom came in and told them to leave. Then she broke the news to me. I remember planting my face into this long, gold tube pillow we had, but I didn't cry. I didn't know how to feel. This was the first time I'd ever had to process a big piece of information like this. I don't think it felt real. I didn't go to the funeral or visitation. How the hell are you supposed to do that at such a young age? I know I cried eventually. But I don't remember that moment.
I remember one day soon after (or may that same day I found out) I was in the back room of our house and CMT was on (country music television). I was still in the midst of my country phase. A Trisha Yearwood video came on. It's black and white and she's walking by the ocean. Maybe it's "Walk Away Joe." Maybe not. I know it when I hear it. And it always reminds me of that summer. That afternoon. Maybe this is why when I hear country music (esp country music from the 90's), it brings a similar feeling of sadness and isolation that summer carries.
From then on, I remember feeling a little scared in the summer-- not like terrified but a worried, nervous scared. When you're little summer is mainly about family vacations and seeing a few friends at the pool. Not school friends. And so a tinge of fear grew inside me that my friends would die in the summer. School ended and you no longer saw people on a regular basis. You no longer saw them every day to confirm they were still alive. I remember this distaste for summer being there until the summer I fell in love with Camp Bratton Green. 1996. I had been for 2 years prior to 96 but the summer after 6th grade is when it became my second home... and summer was no longer a time when my friends might all die. Instead, it was a time to see some of my most beloved friends and have the time of our lives.
The fear and worry is certainly gone. But summer never really shed it's fatal reputation for me. Bad things continued to mainly happen in the summer. In fact, really the only significant death in my life that hasn't been in the summer is my grandmother's. By no means am I implying I have had a boat load of tragedy to deal with. But just of the few things that have indirectly or directly affected me, they seem to always happen in the summer. I feel like my friend Ann Marie's parents got divorced in the summer (or that's when I learned of it), Pecos died in the summer, Beth's dad died in the summer, Ann Marie's grandma died in the summer, last summer my friend David's dad died, and this year (near the end of April) a student at OHS lost his battle with a brain tumor... not quite summer but the weather is certainly warm enough in April to make it feel like it. I only really know what funerals are like in the sweltering, Mississippi heat.
I guess this first week of summer -- after a few days oscillating between mental states of joy, relief, exhaustion, realization that school's out!, repeat -- this is the next thing that popped into my mind. I was driving today and remembered last summer when Mom, Dylan, Joe and I visited the place where Pecos drowned. I wondered if the people directly affected by any of the events above are preparing their hearts for the anniversary of their tragic event. Does the initial feeling of stale, humid summer air ignite the memory of their loss? Or is there another trigger... the date on the calendar? a sound? a smell?
I couldn't be happier that summer is here... especially this year. But it still ushers in these thoughts and memories with it. I guess this is why I couldn't fight the urge to tell my students to "have a fun summer, but please be careful" as they walked out my door for the last time. I still have a little bit of the worried little girl in me. So, you please be careful too.
I remember one day soon after (or may that same day I found out) I was in the back room of our house and CMT was on (country music television). I was still in the midst of my country phase. A Trisha Yearwood video came on. It's black and white and she's walking by the ocean. Maybe it's "Walk Away Joe." Maybe not. I know it when I hear it. And it always reminds me of that summer. That afternoon. Maybe this is why when I hear country music (esp country music from the 90's), it brings a similar feeling of sadness and isolation that summer carries.
From then on, I remember feeling a little scared in the summer-- not like terrified but a worried, nervous scared. When you're little summer is mainly about family vacations and seeing a few friends at the pool. Not school friends. And so a tinge of fear grew inside me that my friends would die in the summer. School ended and you no longer saw people on a regular basis. You no longer saw them every day to confirm they were still alive. I remember this distaste for summer being there until the summer I fell in love with Camp Bratton Green. 1996. I had been for 2 years prior to 96 but the summer after 6th grade is when it became my second home... and summer was no longer a time when my friends might all die. Instead, it was a time to see some of my most beloved friends and have the time of our lives.
The fear and worry is certainly gone. But summer never really shed it's fatal reputation for me. Bad things continued to mainly happen in the summer. In fact, really the only significant death in my life that hasn't been in the summer is my grandmother's. By no means am I implying I have had a boat load of tragedy to deal with. But just of the few things that have indirectly or directly affected me, they seem to always happen in the summer. I feel like my friend Ann Marie's parents got divorced in the summer (or that's when I learned of it), Pecos died in the summer, Beth's dad died in the summer, Ann Marie's grandma died in the summer, last summer my friend David's dad died, and this year (near the end of April) a student at OHS lost his battle with a brain tumor... not quite summer but the weather is certainly warm enough in April to make it feel like it. I only really know what funerals are like in the sweltering, Mississippi heat.
I guess this first week of summer -- after a few days oscillating between mental states of joy, relief, exhaustion, realization that school's out!, repeat -- this is the next thing that popped into my mind. I was driving today and remembered last summer when Mom, Dylan, Joe and I visited the place where Pecos drowned. I wondered if the people directly affected by any of the events above are preparing their hearts for the anniversary of their tragic event. Does the initial feeling of stale, humid summer air ignite the memory of their loss? Or is there another trigger... the date on the calendar? a sound? a smell?
I couldn't be happier that summer is here... especially this year. But it still ushers in these thoughts and memories with it. I guess this is why I couldn't fight the urge to tell my students to "have a fun summer, but please be careful" as they walked out my door for the last time. I still have a little bit of the worried little girl in me. So, you please be careful too.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Bad Teacher
Exams are made. This is supposed to be easy week for me. Give exams. Grade exams. Noooo for some reason my body wanted to make this week just as difficult as all the other weeks.
Sunday night went to bed with a tummy ache.
Made it through school Monday somehow without puking. I pretty much just told my kids to study on their own and I put my head down on my desk. Then put in a video when they were finished. Bad Teacher.
Monday night didn't fare so well. Every 3 hours or less I was in the bathroom.
First day of exams and I just couldn't go to school. And we are NOT supposed to miss school this week unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary. I've pushed through a lot of feeling awful and still gone to work. But not today. I don't think it's acceptable to run out of the room on 25 students taking an exam to go to the shitter.
Now I'm on the couch with my half eaten banana, chicken noodle soup, saltines, and Gatorade watching "One Fine Day." Really? With 3 and a half days left I get a stomach bug? Really?
It's fine. I'll be back tomorrow with my bland snacks in tow. And this year will soon be OVER!
It's been good though. And I feel optimistic about next year. Somewhere near the end of April I was in an intense "I can't stand these kids" mood....like all the time... wondering how I was gonna be able to do this for multiple years. But then things started letting up. And then seniors had their last day. And then I just completely let off the gas pedal I'd been holding down all year. And I started to feel like me again.
Sunday night went to bed with a tummy ache.
Made it through school Monday somehow without puking. I pretty much just told my kids to study on their own and I put my head down on my desk. Then put in a video when they were finished. Bad Teacher.
Monday night didn't fare so well. Every 3 hours or less I was in the bathroom.
First day of exams and I just couldn't go to school. And we are NOT supposed to miss school this week unless it is ABSOLUTELY necessary. I've pushed through a lot of feeling awful and still gone to work. But not today. I don't think it's acceptable to run out of the room on 25 students taking an exam to go to the shitter.
Now I'm on the couch with my half eaten banana, chicken noodle soup, saltines, and Gatorade watching "One Fine Day." Really? With 3 and a half days left I get a stomach bug? Really?
It's fine. I'll be back tomorrow with my bland snacks in tow. And this year will soon be OVER!
It's been good though. And I feel optimistic about next year. Somewhere near the end of April I was in an intense "I can't stand these kids" mood....like all the time... wondering how I was gonna be able to do this for multiple years. But then things started letting up. And then seniors had their last day. And then I just completely let off the gas pedal I'd been holding down all year. And I started to feel like me again.
Second Semester
It is April 30. I have less than a month of this thing left. Less than a month and I will know the feeling of immense, unending relief. More relief than when I finished my Master's. More relief than when I finished my Bachelor's. But I can't start thinking about that relief yet.
It's still go time. 2 weeks then exams. Really once I get the exams made, I'm home freeeeee.
This semester has literally flown by. More weekend activities/trips were possible.
February was Mardi Gras ball in NOLA and basketball games/championships.
March was wedding showers, bachelorette fun and a wedding.
Also spring break... which I now refer to as the summer tease. You get a glimpse of what your life will be like for 2 straight months. But the cruel reality is you still have a SIGNIFICANT amount of school left. Another 9 weeks.
April has been "Stay In Town" month. After being out of town for something like 4 or 5 weekends in a row... it's been nice to stay put. Between football/grove season in the fall and Double Decker festival this past weekend, I've really come to like Oxford because it means friends come to me. I don't have to travel as much to see them. So that's a first. To live somewhere where you get a steady flow of visitors. This also helps me keep my apartment clean on a more regular basis. Chaperoned my first high school prom. The theme was Midnight in Paris. So we dressed like this:
May. May brings 3 more weddings. And then it brings summer. In Florida, we didn't get summer until the beginning of June. Here we get summer before Memorial Day. Summer sweet summer. Just a little bit longer.
It's still go time. 2 weeks then exams. Really once I get the exams made, I'm home freeeeee.
This semester has literally flown by. More weekend activities/trips were possible.
February was Mardi Gras ball in NOLA and basketball games/championships.
March was wedding showers, bachelorette fun and a wedding.
Also spring break... which I now refer to as the summer tease. You get a glimpse of what your life will be like for 2 straight months. But the cruel reality is you still have a SIGNIFICANT amount of school left. Another 9 weeks.
April has been "Stay In Town" month. After being out of town for something like 4 or 5 weekends in a row... it's been nice to stay put. Between football/grove season in the fall and Double Decker festival this past weekend, I've really come to like Oxford because it means friends come to me. I don't have to travel as much to see them. So that's a first. To live somewhere where you get a steady flow of visitors. This also helps me keep my apartment clean on a more regular basis. Chaperoned my first high school prom. The theme was Midnight in Paris. So we dressed like this:
May. May brings 3 more weddings. And then it brings summer. In Florida, we didn't get summer until the beginning of June. Here we get summer before Memorial Day. Summer sweet summer. Just a little bit longer.
Monday, April 30, 2012
My Spanish Highschool Nightmare
It
is January 17. Somehow I have survived a full semester of teaching high school
Spanish (plus a few weeks). I decided to start writing again so that I'll have
written record of this insane year I've had.
August
and September - got to school every day at 5:30 a.m. to plan, organize, etc.
Took home work every weekend to grade. Wrote up my first student within the
first week of school. Wore heels that day-- the last day I ever taught in
heels. Must work on being more calm when things like that happen... the
adrenaline coursing through my body made me feel like my legs were about to
topple out of the heels. Learned how to turn in copies, give quizzes, make
tests, run the scan tron machine, and keep up with attendance and assignments.
Met other teachers. Took every bit of advice offered in the halls or over
drinks. Sunday rolled around and I had an overwhelming feeling that I would NOT
make it through the week... let alone the year. That feeling would start to
subside on Wednesday afternoon.
October-
was finally able to fathom going out of town for a weekend (but not til the end
of the month). Started getting to school at 6:00 a.m. Can't even describe the
disastrous state of my apartment. Was sleeping in the guest room (bed more
comfortable) but living out of my real room. Which equaled clothes littered all
over each room. Finally started doing more grading during the week instead of
all day Saturday. But Sunday was still primarily dedicated to grading and
lesson planning. Wrote up a few more kids. One had a game boy in class. One
wasn't even my student. Became a pro at taking cell phones up. I would
definitely be able to do that in heels. Learned how to go on a field trip.
Still had overwhelming feeling of dread and not making it... but it began to
subside on Tuesday instead of Wed.
Nov-Dec
--- Couldn't believe I made it to my birthday. Couldn't believe I was turning
28. Couldn't thank some students enough for thinking I was 24. Still didn't
believe I'd make it to Christmas, but also took the evidence of survival up
until this point as a sign that indeed I would make it. Learned how to make
exams. Learned how to give exams. Learned that exam week is nice (no lesson
plans or teaching) but also learned that I'm not so keen on being trapped in a
room with the same high school kids for 3 straight hours. . . . with a heater
running full throttle. I wore a summer, sleeveless dress in mid December and
still needed a box fan running in my classroom. Fell in love with our high
school basketball games. Went to an away game on a school night. Went to an
away game on the Friday school was out. Realized we might have an obsession on
our hands.
Loved
Christmas break and started to see the bright sides of teaching. Not excited
about going back. But after surrendering to the return, I realized the first
day students were back that I was ok being back. No. More than that. I was
kinda glad to see some of the little boogers. Maybe this isn't a nightmare
after all. But I wouldn't exactly call it a pipedream. Here goes 2012.
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