Married with(out) Children

 Been a wife for about 5 weeks now.  Just finished "our first Christmas." 

It's been fun.  That's my response to "How's married life?"  Cause it is so far.  People may say "is it really that different?"  And the answer is yes, cause Joe and I were not really living together before. 

        So waking up and going to bed with someone on workdays is different and fun.  We fell into a morning routine pretty easily (which I'm sure is interesting to nobody...so you can skip to next paragraph):  Joe tends to start the coffee and boiling the eggs while I start to get ready.  Then he gets ready and I finish up breakfast and get our lunches ready (which entails putting frozen food and other snacks in a bag.  I abhor sandwiches ...both the eating of and making of sandwiches).  Then we're off to work in the same car.  Fun fun fun.  (once you're married your idea of fun drastically changes).

      Whether our future involves children or not is yet to be seen.  We've seen enough struggles and heartache of others to know that no matter what we want, it could or couln't happen.  And we won't know until we decide we're ready to know.  Ya know?  Anyway, the point is we have enough friends with children to realize how precious our freedom is.  We don't even have pets.  As much as I want two ittle bitty kittens, I love that we can just pick up and go.  No responsibilities beyond making sure the coffee pot and the air is turned off before leaving.  Our New Year's plans are New Orleans.  Our weekends recently have consisted of bar hopping with childless friends, staying out past midnight, and swinging by Sonic/Taco Bell before calling it a night.   I know...we're pathetic.  Midnight..ooooo...we're so wild.  This should not be an accomplishment.  But it is for us.  And it has been fun.  Sitting around the table one night at Ajax with a group of people I thought, "This won't be forever."  We'll get older.  People will have kids or ... [insert other adulthood events] and this will end.  This is so fun right now.  I want to enjoy it while it lasts.  Just my overuse of the word "fun" in my last few posts could prove later that this is the time of our lives.  

       In the meantime, our goal for now is to decide what to do about a house.  We feel like the smart thing to do (since our plans don't include leaving Oxford ANY time soon) is get one.  This whole house-buying business makes me feel more adult than having a husband, kitten, or child.  We have laid out a "one-pay-check challenge" for ourselves for the month of January.  The goal:  (it's pretty self explanatory) live off one pay check for the month / save money.  The real challenge:  how to take the one-check-challenge while also "enjoying it while it lasts."  We don't want to lose friends because we are trying to save.  We don't want to miss out on this wonderful time of little responsibility.  We are not willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING.  So maybe we're not ready for the one-check challenge.  We're naive enough to think we can do it.  Just have one drink instead of 3.  Split an appetizer instead of ordering two entrees.  See, we can still have a social life and save money.  (You think I don't, but I do see you rolling your eyes).

     I would like to end with tipping my hat to two couples with kids.  Amber and Duncan -- 2 kids and a newborn.  Also, Thomas and Madelyn.  2 kids, one on the way.  Both these couples are raising kids and also trying to sell a house.  Our time and friendships with these couples make us realize... well ... make us glad we don't have kids yet.  We also realize if we're ever in their parental shoes, we will need all the help and wisdom they can offer.
            One day I'm sure we'll look back and laugh at how proud we were of these insignificant accomplishments:  establishing a married morning routine, cooking 4 days a week instead of eating out, living off one pay check for FUN.  We will probably yearn for the days when this was our life.  Which is all the more reason to enjoy it now.

Our first thanksgiving

Move in day

boys bathroom

Husband chair

husband chores

husband life is hard

Are you excited?

         If I thought getting engaged was fun, getting married was really fun.  Planning to get married was not really fun.  Some how we pulled it off.
Here's how it went down:
One week after engagement Joe and I were driving around looking at possible reception locations--not fun at all.  So between Joe, my dad, and me (I?) we came up with an alternative wedding plan.  Dad wanted us to elope.  For real elope.  Ideally we would get married without his knowledge and then call him up afterwards to inform him the deed was done.  Those of you thinking, "Oh that's not REALLY what he'd want. He's your dad."  You know nothing and you are wrong.  Joe and I wanted some form of ceremony and small celebration, but we did not want the big thing.  Fast forward to when mom got home (she'd been hiking), we had it all laid out.  Get married in Southaven, go party on Beale Street.  Invite some close friends and fam to come along if they want.
         That's mostly what happened, but mom made sure it wasn't just "Y'all come on to the bar if you want...whatever"  We provided food and drinks through the bar (Rum Boogie) and had a little (ok a lot) more southern hospitality than my original, discourteous plan.  Thank God for mamas.
               It was hard drawing a line when it came to the guest list.  We basically just went with who would've been bridesmaids/groomsmen.  Once you added them plus dates plus family... that number jumps up fast.  People tell you "just do what you want."  We wanted small so we drew the line even though it meant not including some very dear people in our lives.  
Like I said, we pulled it off and it was my favorite day.  But even planning the little wedding we had was at times more than I could handle along with teaching (refer to Year 2 post).

As your wedding approaches, more than one person a day asks you "Are you excited?"
I was baffled at how often this was asked and, at first, irritated that these people didn't already know the answer.  Then I realized, it's just one of those things you ask.  Like, what else are they supposed to ask/say?      "I'm so sorry for your loss" is to Funerals as "Are you excited?" is to Weddings.  But between trying to keep it a secret from our students and also just being consumed with school, I didn't really feel excited until the Friday before.  And then that Friday morning I woke up with that tiny itch or twinge or whatever name you give to that feeling of "Oh no I'm getting sick."  Shit.

I pounded vitamin C and other vitamins the whole day.  Excitement took a backseat to straight-up survival mode.  I could NOT be sick on my favorite day.  (also Friday was my birthday... that definitely didn't matter at this point).  I went home and had about an hour to myself to try to nap.  Sleep is what I needed and what I'd been lacking all week.  But I don't fall asleep easily and after an hour, people started arriving:  first my brother then Beth.  I hadn't told anyone I was feeling bad.  I couldn't give the germs any more power.  So I picked myself up and put on a big "I'm healthy and excited face."

After an evening of taco soup and fire pit at Joe's parents house, in which I tried my best but may have failed in appearing excited,  a few of my girls and I went back to my apartment.  Instead of wine we all started drinking Vitamin C followed by confessions of how we all felt like we might be getting a little sick.

The next morning I woke up and couldn't breathe out of my nose.  I felt awful.  It was early.  I still needed sleep.  It's my wedding day.  I WILL feel fabulous. Idea: "I'll take a bunch of vitamins, go back to sleep, and during sleep the vitamins will aid my immune system in fighting the sickness"  Worst idea ever.  I ate like a bite of bread (never take vitamins on empty stomach...check) then downed 5 different vitamins or herbs.  Oh so dumb.  Never take vitamins on a bite of bread either.  I sat on the couch for 5 minutes then ran to the toilet to expel those vile vitamins.  Beth woke up in panic, assuming I had a virus.  No, no.  Just vitamin overdose.  I deserved all the making-fun-of I got for this stupid act of self-medication.

After vomiting I slept some more and all was fine.  The adrenaline of the day (and Claritin D) kicked in around 2:00 and I felt fine the rest of the day.... until Sunday morning when my body succumbed to exhaustion and the sickness germs.  But even the morning of consisted of "are you excited?"... which was difficult to answer with enough cheer due to secret sickness (only my overnight guests Anna, Elise, and Beth knew about sickness and vitamin vomit session). 

The other wedding confession I'd like to make before wrapping up this long post will be subtitled:  "Spanx potty training."  I wore Spanx under my dress.  Full body armor from thigh to rib cage--to create a smooth, no see through effect.  I didn't have to pee until after the wedding.  Joe and I checked into the Peabody.  This was the time I had to pee.  Should be easy.  The Spanx has an escape hole so you don't have to de-Spanx.  I thought I had it under control.  The sound of liquid trickling into the toilet confirmed that I did.  The feeling of something warm filling up my left Spanx leg confirmed that I did not.  Somehow half of the pee ended up taking a detour back into the Spanx.  To sum it up:  I peed myself on my wedding night.  Before the reception at Rum Boogie Bar.  The night was nowhere near over.  It was fine.  I dried off and soldiered on.  I think I told two other people... (it was too funny not to).  And now I'm putting it here. 

Professional photos will follow as soon as my photographers (Chad and the beloved Pablo) finish their editing.
I can't wait.  For two weeks, every Saturday I woke up and wished for a wedding day replay:
my friends piled on my bed in the morning eating Bet's pimento and cheese
walking to High point for coffee with mom, bet, carly, adam, etc.
a girl tornado of showers and blow dryers at my apt as other friends drop by to drop off wedding gifts
caravan to Southaven
champagne out of pee cups courtesy of Anna Marsh Selby
First dance:  "Love the one you're with"
and so much more.

Walking to high point

            

Hildebrand brings a veil

Series:  Anna finds sticks

Prep team

Beale Street y'all.

This girl has the excited face DOWN.

If you can't be with the one you love....

So excited.  So happy.

 

Year 2

Exhaustion beyond recognition.  I mean there's recognition... I sure as hell recognize this exhaustion.  By "beyond recognition" I mean I am so tired I am having trouble recognizing things.  Like recognizing I am headed towards the wrong car until I get right up to the door handle.  Then recognizing I had not even parked in that area of the parking lot.  Not even close.  ....That happened today at the gym after my first day of school of my second year teaching high school.

Feelings the same.  eyes crossing feeling.. like they are headed to the area between my eyebrows.  Like they are moving their to create a uni or something.  Anger at having to do extra things that boys don't (drying hair, shaving legs and armpits)... really I get frustrated at the time these actions require of me... and they only take minutes.. that's how precious my minutes become. 

small feelings of "i'm not ready"  not to the point of terror and insecurity.  and I Have no idea what to do.  this year i have an idea.. jsut have to organize them.  so that is better.

know more faces.  good and bad about that.  The ones I know are more comfortable with me and therefore talk more or feel more confidence in being laid back and arrogant.  It's good though cause we already have a relationship.  I love being able to joke around (be sarcastic) with the kids and know that they get me already. 

Mrs. West... this time last year .  remembering her and how much more time i wish i'd had with her.
 More on that.  Mrs. West was the teacher across the hall from me.  She was very experienced.  Older.  Much older.  larger (taller and bigger).  She had short peppered hair and glasses.  I just want to paint the picture of her so a I remember her.  She mostly wore cotton dresses.  During class transitions she stood in the hall (like we're supposed to do but I can never make it there... always doing some last minute work or something frantic like that).   But the few times i'd make it into the hall, she was there... telling kids (just passersby, not her own students) to put their ID's on.  I'd think "I can't do that.... tell kids I don't even know to put their id's on in the hall??" ... As a second year i can see more now how that is not a big deal.  They are all kids.  I thought to myself "maybe one day i'll be in a place where my concern can be students' id's who aren't even my students"   For the record, i'm not there yet.

Mainly, I remember Mrs. West b/c one day, across the hall, she was looking at me and she asked, "I'm gonna be a mother right now and ask a question.  Are you taking a multi vitamin?"
I said no . . . . why? do I look like i need to be?

She said, "yes"

Well that summed up my first year.  Looking like I needed a multi-vitamin.  Mrs. West retired in Februrary or March of that year.  She had some illness that made her dizzy and she carried a cane so she left school early.  I hated for her to leave.  She had so many years of experience that could field the inundation of questions I had for her... and would still have for her.  This year I finally have A LITTLE more time to ask the questions.  I wonder if I'll ever be in that spot... if I'll ever make it to that time where I'm sniffin on retirement and staring across the hall at some malnourished newbie... doling out advise and vitamins.  Who knows.  To be determined.  The things is, Mrs West didn't want to quit.  She loved teaching.  That is an even harder spot to imagine myself in.  It's an extremely admirable spot.      

Here's to Mrs. West. 

How is my hand like a piece of pie

Cause it's got meRINGue on it!


So it's only been a little over a week since he popped the question but it feels like forever.  The 2 days after, I was able to relive the engagement in my head and still feel the adrenaline rush from the surprise I felt when I turned around and saw Joe down on his knee.  But after about the 30th time of retelling the story, it just becomes a story you're telling... not feeling. 

So I should've written this in those days immediately after... but of course I can still remember everything.  Friday night we drove down to camp for P-Staff reunion.  Good times with friends that night and then Saturday morning we got up and left the Big House on foot headed towards camp.  Joe had slipped the ring in his pocket as I brushed my teeth.  I had no idea.  I was exhausted and had only been thinking about school (we had just finished 2 days with students).  And on that morning I was just thinking about breakfast.  It was a little warm but as we got closer to camp Joe said "Let's walk behind the chapel and around back a little bit"
This was not weird to me.  We like to try and be healthy and walk some.  (on friday afternoon he said "bring something to walk in" .. i said "ummm i'm not gonna do a lot of walking" because I just planned on drinking and sleeping and relaxing.  "but I can walk a little in what i'm bringing")

We walked around cabins A B and C.  At that point we were talking about a ball box that camp could bring back to the basketball court (cause we were walking by the bball court)... Nothing exciting.  Then he said "let's walk over to the bench"--- this bench is where we used to make out in high school (and a bench several other couples claim to be THEIR bench).  It's in a great spot by the lake.  Far enough away from people. ...   So we walked over there.  Sure, i thought,  why not. 
Then I proceeded to tell some idiotic story from the night before.  I stopped my story, not sure if joe wanted to sit on the bench or something or just walk by.  I was standing behind it when I said "ok can we get outta here" --again, breakfast was the main thing on my mind. I turned towards the dining hall.

He said "hold on you wanna hear something crazy first"
"Sure" i said as I turned and expected to hear some crazy piece of gossip he obtained the night before.

And there he was.  Knee down.  Ring out.  It's amazing how many things your brain can register at once.  Here are the thoughts that ran through my mind all at once
oh my gosh.  this is happening.  when did he plan this.  he's been planning this!  where'd this ring come from.  Look at that ring.  This is the story we'll tell.  oh my gosh what am I wearing.  (neon yellow shirt, neon pink shorts and a lavender hat with Dylan's name airbrushed on it)

Screaming commenced and then hugging.  Joe cried first.  Then me.  THen we sat on bench and talked about:  what just happened, how he came about this ring (thanks to Amie and Jason on that one), how he told our parents.  More screaming and hugging and smiling.

Amie and Jason (the only people outside of family that knew) drove their mini-van down by the lake after joe text them (amie had been texting all morning wandering if it'd happened).  They got out as I was on the phone with mom and more hugs and tears.  Amie had a fun happy for us full of t-shirts, drinking glasses with an S, boa, veil, and wedding mags.

Grae walked down to see what was going on.  Not sure if he suspected something or just wanted to see what was going on.  Then we drove up in the mini with our new outfits on and showed them off to the crowd of girls in the pool.

It was fun to see people's reactions all morning as they stumbled in to the dining hall.  They'd look at us weird (pink shirts and a veil) and we all stared at them waiting for the reaction, it usually took me throwing up my hand for it to completely register in their fuzzy morning heads what was happening.  Then followed by "oh S&$* or F#$%"   more hugs.

So like i said... i relived this in my head several times and could still relive the emotions.  That was fun.  But teaching has a way of quickly snapping you back down from the mountain.  It tends to push all other thoughts and emotions out of the way as it requires 102 percent of my attention.  So teach teach teach then I'd remember.  Of course monday was fun.... some kids knew already some didn't.  some didn't find out til days later.  As a teacher you learn that you can't stop teaching for every special occasion.  Kids are just waiting for those days.  5th period's idea "we should throw you an engagement party"  Maybe this sounds sweet to you... but don't be fooled.  That's what they want you to think.. They really just will do anything to not have regular class.  And they have no shame.

So fun.  Getting engaged is SO FUN!

Road Trip

Already a month into summer.  It is flying by.  After 2 weeks at camp we got ready for a great American road trip.... to Canada.

Special Session

Tues. Day 1 -  Mom met us in Oxford.  Drove to Nashville and enjoyed an evening with Beth and Hunter.


Day 2-  Drive all day (about 12 hours) to Niagara Falls, NY.  We ate at Hard Rock Cafe because Joe had never eaten at one.  It was not terrible but it was not delicious.  We walked down by the falls and got to see them from the U.S. side at night.  Everyone told us that the Canada side is the side to see.  But the U.S. side was still beautiful and made me excited to see what the more awesome Canadian view would offer.  We stayed at the Comfort Inn which we exclusively referred to as the Comfort Dump after a night with a dodgy air conditioner.  The room stunk from the large amount of perfume they had sprayed to cover up the cig smoke.  But the continental breakfast the next morning was more than decent.

Dumb tourist moment.  We had NO idea that Nik Wallenda was planning on doing this big tight rope walk.  Beth and Hunter are the ones who informed us.  I blame this on Mom.  Joe and I had been at camp and Mom watches 3.3 hours of morning television every day.  Sooooo, she should've heard about this I think.  Either way, we lucked out.  We JUST missed the over-hyped "historic" event by one day, so we successfully avoided the crowds but still get to claim we were there. 

Day 3 - Niagara Falls day.  A friend of mom's (Mike--she knows from horse stuff) drove up from Rochester, NY to show us around the falls.  We drove across the boarder-- a process which took no time at all.  Joe accidentally and unknowingly lied about us having alcohol in the car.  Oops.  We parked and walked along the falls.

The mist began to pick up.  This makes pictures pretty difficult.  We went a tourist stop to buy some ponchos.  We walked along the side walk enjoying the view.

Then it was time for the Maid of the Mist-- the boat that you stand on and drive straight into the falls, sit there and get wet for a few minutes, then turn around.  Before you get on the boat, you take a picture in front of a green screen so you can buy a pic of you on the boat after.  Forget the fact that you're about to actually be on the boat with your own camera.  And even though the Niagara falls' rain and windstorm you drive into headfirst makes it impossible to take pictures, there are still plenty of opportunities to snap a picture before and after the down pour. 





Even though we had our own, we couldn't resist purchasing this one...so silly

The best part of the boat (besides watching Joe Sabatier giggle and jump around) was this group of black ladies who were just laughing and screaming their heads off.  At one point (while we were in the very midst of the mist) one yelled-laughed "You can't take no pictures!"  True.  You couldn't.


After the Maid we now had 2 ponchos to walk back through the misty side walk.  We had lunch, said goodbye to Mike then drove to our next tourist attraction....

The Butterfly Conservatory.  Joe's comment gives the best summary/reaction to this place-- "Well, if you weren't sleepy before... there's nothin like a good butterfly conservatory to get you ready for a nap."  Yeah, after a warm room of flittering butterflies and then a walk through the rose garden we were done.  Especially Joe.

Next we drove to Niagara on the Lake, a cute nearby town that sits on Lake Ontario.  My godmother told us to go here and it is hands down our 2nd favorite part of the trip (after Niagara).  It's a small town with a historic district of cute houses and carriage tours... much like Charleston, SC.  We found a hotel completely OPPOSITE from the Comfort Dump, The Prince of Wales hotel!  Super fancy and nice.  Had a towel warmer in the bathroom.  We walked around, ate at a pub, then took a carriage tour and learned how much we didn't know (or remember) about the War of 1812. 

Day 4 -  I treated myself to a massage the next morning.... or rather, Joe went down and signed me up for one while he and mom ate breakfast.  We hit the road for Honey Harbor, where we were to meet my godmother Lou.  She met us with a small boat (to which we all hung our head in embarrassment at the amount of luggage we'd brought.)  Joe's bag got splashed the most... not really splashed...more like flooded.  After about a 10-15 minute boat ride we got to Lou's house.
I am not sure what I expected.  I'd been planning to take this trip for almost a year.  And when I started the stressful school year I REALLY wanted this trip to happen so I could just sit on an island in Canada and do NOTHING.

                                          Boat ride

Lou's House

View from the house

You had to climb up a hill of big rocks to the cabin.  After struggling my way to the top (due to all the unnecessary luggage) Joe and I started laying our wet clothes out.  The cabin was perfect.  A porch on overlooking the lake being the best part of the whole thing.  The inside Lou has turned into a charming and rustic little get away.

Day 5, 6, 7 --  The next three days can be summed up with few words:  coffee, reading, napping, cocktail hour, dinner.   The first day was so warm Joe and I jumped in the water after a hike.  The water was still shockingly cold but refreshing.  Day 6 was drizzly and was when we started to get a little cabin fever.  But Day 7 we were able to sit out in the sun and enjoy the last full day of island life.  Day 7 was also a little traumatizing for me.  We were sitting around having drinks when Lou discovered a baby mouse in a side table drawer.  We proceeded to find 4 more baby mice in the drawer.  One at a time I poked them out of their fluffy nest (which apparently momma mouse built from Lou's couch cushion stuffing), they fell to the floor and scurried around until one of us trapped them in a cup.  Mom, Joe and I released them into the wild a.k.a. sent them to their death not too far from the cabin.  That night thunder woke me up and if the mice had even made it til then, they were definitely goners after the storm.

inside the cabin


Rewind a little to another related traumatizing moment...One the very first night we were there we think momma mouse was the one we saw scurry into the wall.  Later that night a heard a WHACK sound.  When John (Lou's hubby) held up a full mouse trap the next morning I realized the sound had been the trap snapping the momma mouse's neck.   Transitioning into the country life takes more than 3 days I think.

Day 8 - Time to go.  We had stayed the perfect amount-- enough to enjoy and relax but not too much as to ware out our welcome or get too restless.  Lou boated us to our car then we drove to Toronto.  We checked into our hotel and grabbed lunch at a pub-ish restaurant near the hotel.  I wasn't even warm.  It was HOT.  We couldn't believe how warm it had been this entire time.  After a hefty meal we walked to the CN tower... or the needle.   It was neat but not amazing.  Unfortunately it was hazy and we couldn't see that far.

At one point we had considered staying in Toronto 2 nights but the more we asked people about what we should do the more we began to wonder if there was that much to do.  People said the CN tower, the science center, and the Royal Museum.  The CN tower was really the only one that interested Joe and me.  One waitress mentioned going to baseball games and other sports things first on her things to do in Toronto.  It seems like a city as big as Toronto would have more MUST-DO tourist attractions than that, but we just weren't gathering that there was enough for us to stay long.  So we cut it short. 

CN tower in back.  (Where they also had a green screen photo opp... I guess it's a Canada thing.. We didn't buy that one)

CN Tower views from the glass floor

Kids on the glass

walkin on the glass

You could also pay 170 dollars to get in a harness and just hang off (only about 2 feet out) the side of the tower backwards.  We just watched the people from above who had paid that much money.  We stayed one night and then got up and drove forever on Day 9.   

We (and by we I mainly mean Joe) drove from Toronto to Bowling Green, KY on Day 9.  We had planned on stopping in Louisville but were finding a lot of the hotels were booked, so we kept going a little longer to Bowling Green.  We had a reservation at La Quinta.  We pulled into the parking lot at 10:30 ish and literally, right as Joe turned the car off, the lights at La Quinta went out.  All the lights.  Confused we got out of the car and realized that the lights of the entire town had gone out.  Seriously? We were NOT about to stay in a air-condion-less room.  We waited around a little to see if they'd come on but decided no.  Mom got out of the reservation and we were on our way to the interstate to travel another 45 minutes to Nashville when we saw a Quality Inn sign on.  Hey how do they have power?   They were on the county system so they were spared and we were in luck.


Lights out at La Quinta... people slowly started coming out of their rooms.  Women with their hair in rollers and their little dogs in tow.  



(on the way home we saw a Jellystone Park sign... had to stop)

It's funny.  We went to another country but it didn't really feel like we were abroad.  First, we drove there.  2nd, we didn't have to exchange money.  Everywhere we went pretty much took American dollars or our credit cards.  There's no foreign language.  A lot of stuff is in French and English but no one is speaking French.  Around Toronto and Niagara there were lots of people from different countries speaking different languages, but that's it.  (I did get super excited when I heard people speaking Spanish-- uh my Spanish heart)

Bye bye Canada... fun trip.  Next time we'll fly though.