Signs (and fears) of aging

Sure.  Signs of aging are all around in your 20's.  Outward signs.  Like weddings, babies, and other grown-up things.  Things we celebrate in the "getting old" process.  

At the beginning of June our friends Thomas and Madelyn had their 3rd baby boy.  He is a day old in this picture.  Joe is the designated small baby holder.  But Thomas and Madelyn would hear none of my "I don't hold small babies" declarations and they plopped him in my lap (with the aid of a pillow).

Little does baby Brown know all the excitement that lays ahead as his parents watch him age.  First steps.  First words.  All exciting signs of aging.

Claire celebrated (belatedly) her birthday at my house.  We tried to make it exciting... with a Reese's ice cream cake and candles.  But let's get real... we all know (and by WE I don't mean you people in your early twenties and younger) that Claire's 27 is not as exciting as Brown's first day on earth and his next 21 birthdays.  Why?  Because "getting old is the pits" --as Joe's grandma said.

I'm 29 (and a half).  I feel like the difference between 29 and 26 as far as "aging" is concerned is incredibly drastic.  Or maybe not.  Maybe it's more like 24.  But still.  That's only 5 years.  I guess the downward spiral has to start somewhere.  Why don't people warn you of things like this?  Just a little heads up would be nice.  "Enjoy those eyelashes now Emily... by the time you turn 27 they will be significantly lighter and thinner."  or "Careful with those eyebrow raises.  Those lines in your forehead will stick one day."  (If the next time you see me you look at the lines on my forehead ... I'll punch you.)

I mean, I knew it'd happen one day.  I'm not that dumb.  I just wasn't aware that it starts happening while you're still in your 20's.  When I first moved to FL (at the wee age of 22-23) people thought I was younger (18 .... one man even said 15!)  I was appalled he thought 15!  But at some point the switch flipped.  I became flattered when people thought I was younger than 27, 28, 29 or when someone ID'd me when buying alcohol.  Just like that.  Around 25, 26... something changed.  My main point is that someone needs to tell us these things!  Warn us when that switch is going to flip.  

It's funny.  We start off by celebrating these signs of aging.  Loose tooth?  Oh yay for you.  Bring on the cash-carrying fairy.  Look at that new ADULT tooth!  Send a note home from school.  Take a big toothy picture.  How about we have a "Wrinkle Warlock" --grandpa of Tooth Fairy -- and he could put things like wrinkle cream coupons under our pillows.    

Even puberty -- although it's dreaded for the awkward reasons --is still somewhat of an exciting aging moment.  We counted my brother's armpit hairs for a while as they sprouted up.  

I can still remember the day I FINALLY got to shave my legs... end of 5th grade (even though I had sneaked (I snuck?) a few random shavings before that).  No one wants to commemorate the day they first had to shave or bleach their chin hairs?  No, really it should be we celebrate the sprouting of those hairs and NEVER eliminate them.  Girls would dream of the day when they look like grandma.  They will look in the mirror and imagine where their stray hairs will grow and what their wrinkle pattern will look like.  

My most recent sign of aging (and the one I'm most comfortable sharing with you) has been my vision.  I noticed at the end of school (during the awful student presentations) that things were a little blurry from the back of the class.  Sure enough, the doctor says I'm on the brink of near-sighted-ness.  (Means I can't see things far away -- I was always confused about the "near-sighted/far-sighted" thing until I became labeled as one).  

Here's me after my first ever eye appointment.  Who knew they use more technology than just the chart on the wall with the giant E?  

Trying on frames... none seem to be promising in style (or price).

I quickly realized that I'll be taking my prescription to Wal-Mart for the cheaper frames.  The only real reason I might want to get them soon is night driving.... so that every dark blur on the road isn't interpreted as a suicidal animal I need to risk my life dodging.    

So all the superficial things suck (they really are "the pits"... grandma is sooo right).  Maybe other people don't think of them as much.  I'm gonna blame you, Mom, for this.  She's always said things like "don't sleep on your stomach ... you'll get wrinkles from your face being smooshed into the bed."  So every time I laid on my stomach I had this inner dialogue -- "watch out you'll get wrinkles"... "I don't care I'm comfortable I want to go to sleep."  .... "Ok well it's your face."   .... "Uhhh fine" and roll over.

And another thing... why the hell do we say things like "He's aging well."???  What does that even mean?  Basically it means you're old (or getting there) but don't look like it.  And if you're not aging well... ahh well, shame on you.  Pity on you.  Everything else in life is a competition and now aging, a process we all do at the same rate... 365 days a year, can now be done better or worse.  Most races you win by being the quickest, smartest... but the way to win the aging contest is to do it the slowest.  I hate it.

The non-superficial things suck even more.  You know, diseases and shit. 

On a weekly basis (at least.  Probably more.) I have some minor anxiety about getting old.  Which one of my grandmothers' ailments will afflict me?  Breast cancer?  Alzheimer's?  Multiple Sclerosis?  

What if I die first and leave Joe with 10 or more years left to live?  or the opposite? 

Visits to see grandparents (like this past weekend) mainly make these fears worse, and I hate for that to be the result of going to see a loved one.  But it is what it is. 

These fears make it really difficult to live in the moment-- which is all you really can do, right?  Enjoy the now cause you can't control these things.  

Well,  I say that but I did register on Luminosity.com --a brain website that gives you daily brain games to play and train your brain with.  A bunch of silliness really, but still.  Why not?  Fear is a strong motivator.   

So one night, when I couldn't fall asleep and these fears popped into my brain, I thought that I would blog about them.  Put them out there.  Maybe that would help them go away... or at least lessen.  SURELY I'm not the only one that thinks of these things at 29?  Surely I will not spend the rest of my aging life agonizing about every wrinkle or age spot?  

I'm planning to get kittens at the end of the summer.  Maybe that will occupy my worries instead of these others that have plagued me for the last 2 or 3 years.   But for those of you in your 30's... come on... spill it.  What's next?